Reason #256 Living In Oregon Sucks (Part 2)

I’ve always tried to keep up a certain level of excited enthusiasm wherever I go, however futile. I’m not bouncing off the walls with a big fucking tourist hat, but I always try to be down with the locals. I’m not hard to get along with, I dont think… Then again… I am typing something that the news will call “creepy messages on his Facespace” after im arrested. But then who isn’t? The point is, I’m bad at introducing myself. So here:

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Hi. I'm Mike. I am quite jaded and creatively jealous of my peers. But I'm an American in 2012, so that's fucking that! How are you?

I’m a retired (failed) rock musician, and I’m getting old and curmudgeonly. Could be that’s why all the local fashions, music, trends, and art here are just a swirl of visual and aural dysentery to me. Are you doing it on purpose to piss me off?

Actually, I’m not even sure if you’re doing it out of anger or reflex? And that’s the interesting part. The people of Eugene think they’re BIG TIME! Oooooh, BIG fuckin’ time! Big enough to push the boundaries of what is apparently the most popular genre in Eugene: the boring bullshit elderly hippie who lightly strums an acoustic guitar, whilst bleating lyrics with a “nature” tone to them! And hot shit! They’re gonna make a difference!

Oregon is as broke as it is bleak. Eugene’s biggest features are a bunch of lesbians who still can’t get married in this “great progressive state”, and a ‘No Sales Tax’ policy deserves it’s own entry in this series. As for the music scene, it almost completely ephemeral. I read. I go places and talk to people around here. Wanna know who the most popular band in Eugene is? Fuuuukin’ me too! The best Eugene’s got in it’s fucking history is The Cherry Poppin Daddies (oh-boy…) and Floater who I’d make a joke about, but the name says it all.

If L.A. learned me anythin’ it learned me to recognize mediocrity attempting to pass itself off as the real thing. I own a mirror. So, I packed up my fear of creative inadequacy and got the fuck outta there! Here, I guess if nothing else I feel a bit of schadenfreude. But someone needs to tell these poor people to either shut up or move, too. As a great man once said: “A man has got to know his limitations.”

If you want to read part one of my Oregon Sucks series, go ahead. Just stay off the furniture and don’t make a mess.

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