What Is Obama’s Plan?

What Is Obama’s Plan?

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Boy, that debate was frustrating, wuddinit? Romney came out swinging with his famous trademarked “ZINGERS! ™” and Obama was M.I.A.

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I couldn't believe the headlines the next morning!

How could this happen? If you were watching MSNBC, you would have seen Chris Mathews’ eyes roll into the back of his head moments before the explosion. Of his head.

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Somewhere in storage, I have an old Ninja Turtle action figure with the same expression on it's face.

His fucking head blew up! So did mine, but I’m feeling much better now. Chris Mathews…well, he still feels like whatever he is. But, hey! What the fuck? Watching Mitt Romney’s campaign implode over the last year-and-a-half has really been a lot of fun! Especially back in the primaries. Everyone knew Mitt was getting the nomination, but the GOP was obviously bummed out by it. They threw every proverbial turd at the wall to see if someone…ANYONE else would stick! They had the dumb racist from Texas. There was the perverted pizza guy who thought “Lybia” was vaginal drapery. Don’t forget the crazy bitch with the gay husband! And not one, but two assholes from TV. All led by the always lovable Newt Fucking Gingrich!

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Boy... why can't we just elect them all, huh?

As appealing as they all were, in that they were all as appealing as four years of searing groin pain, It was Mitt’s destiny to lose this election. The fact that Mitt was facing an uphill battle right off the bat will be the way Limbaugh, Fox, and their kind will retroactively spin the debates, the most recent rash of shameless racism, the Republican voter fraud that’s going around, and Mitt’s inevitable loss in November. Unlike how they spun Obama’s uphill battle against all the problems inherited from the previous administration.

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Problems like: How do you change your desktop image?

Not only is Mitt Romney a corporate criminal who should be arrested in public, preferably with no pants, crying and sobbing like a bitch because he knows he’s about to go the way of the mighty Maddoff, never to see his loved ones again (“loved ones” in this context being Mitt’s millions of dollars). Not only that, but the Republicans are trying to steal the election. No, really. It’s absolutely true. This isn’t some half baked conspiracy theory bullshit, this is happening to you, right now, to-fucking-day.

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Like, for instance, ignore any signs like this.

Have you heard about all of the voter fraud the Republicans have been up to? Of course you have! First, there’s the wonderfully corrupt world of electronic voting machines. I’ve hated these fuckers since 2004, when a bunch of them showed up in Ohio with possibly thousands of votes for Bush already pre-programmed in.

It was the same year that “The Passion Of The Christ” was number one at the box office, just to give you an idea of 2004’s intellectual zeitgeist. It’s also the year the government admitted there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and CBS gave us the feel good story about the horrific, systematic torture of Iraq Prisoners at the fabulous, palatial Abu Ghraib Prison! Now a days, Obama’s on the ropes about some rich asshole’s taxes being too high. How the fuck did Bush ever get reelected? By rigging the electronic voting machines, of course! And they’re getting ready to do it again.

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and Obama stayed cool...

Then, the GOP hired an election consulting firm or some such shit, called the Strategic Allied Consulting firm. Anyway, the GOP had to fire the firm recently, and play dumb about their past caught red-fucking-handed record of voter registration fraud, when Strategic Allied Consulting was caught committing…wait for it… voter registration fraud! Wha?!?! Who’d a thunk it?

A proud employee of Strategic Allied Consulting!

Then, I saw this story about a Repub phone phreak making racist and, more importantly, bullshit comments when calling voters in some backward armpit state full of red-neck assholes and old fucks. Probably Florida. Lemmie check… Yep. Florida.

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And Obama is, still, cool.

And then I read this, and saw that two stories about electronic voting machine fraud had two states in common, Pennsylvania and Virginia, for a total of 33 electoral votes. Thats more than enough to change an election’s outcome. Ask Al Gore.

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Anything, Mitt? Why do I doubt the verisimilitude of that big gay sign?

Did anyone see Obama’s speech yesterday? You know, the one I only saw 15 second soundbites from? Obama suddenly sounded like the guy who was supposed to show up to that debate! Going after Mitt about his Sesame Street comment, and being cool and funny about it! Wow! Is that the same guy?

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Yep. Still cool.

Someone famous (who I’m too lazy to Google) once (probably) said; “Politics is chess, not checkers” and that’s what I think we’re seeing here. Mark my words. Someday very soon, the true reason for Obama’s apparent throwing of the first debate will make sense in a bigger picture yet to be seen. Hey! Want my unsubstantiated opinion of what Obama’s plan may be? C’mon! It’s fun, you’ll see! Why would Obama play “Rope-A-Dope” with Mitt Romney during their first debate?

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What? Something about Bob Uecker?

Hey, I like Biden. I’d vote for him! But it would seem that some people think of him as an idiot. Probably because the media, desperate for a comedic angle on the man, decided to marginalize Joe with a ‘moron’ label. It’s ok. I understand. Joe seems a bit shot out of a canon. Plus, he drops ‘F’ bombs at inopportune times. So I can see why Obama would possibly be propping up a possible Biden 2016 presidential run. I mean, Obama is still gonna win, and if he doesn’t, the American people will call shenanigans.

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Body language experts on FoxNews said nothing of this photo.

Go ahead, America! Underestimate Joe Biden next Thursday! If my hunch is right, that’s exactly what they want you to do! And after Biden cuts Paul Ryan into itty-bitty little asshole-pieces, everyone can talk about how smart and presidential Joe looked, and how much of a chopped-up collection of little asshole pieces Paul Ryan resembled. And when Joe Biden is being sworn in four years from now, I’ll re-post a link to this blog and say I told you so!

Ugh! I’m done. I can’t do it. I can’t stomach politics anymore. I’m empty and tired. It doesn’t matter what I think, and Republicans are pulling out the stops to make my vote just as meaningless as my opinion. I just hope I’m right about this. Obama’s got a plan! Right?

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Right?

For more on Paul Ryan, read what I wrote about him when he first got the VP pick HERE.

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The War On Women: Reports from the Front Line (Part 1)

Here’s a fun info-graphic for all you teenagers nostalgic for the early 2000’s:

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That's not a threat, is it? Don't threaten the Prez, Nuge. Your music drones, but The President HAS drones!

The Liberal Media Conspiracy is nonexistent. I know! Hard to believe, right? That’s because you hear it all the time…on the news, on the web, in the paper… So…, wait… what kind of a big media conspiracy talks about their own big media conspiracy all day and all the time? Practically everyday, now that I think about it. Nice and loud and clear! On the literally thousands of highly-rated (or so they claim) cable and network news stations, AM radio talk shows, and websites. Silly me, I’ve always thought that since It’s the biggest and richest people/corporations that own and control everything we read and hear, they wouldn’t talk about themselves in that way too much. It’d be like McDonalds running ads that talk about how much Feeces are in an average fast-food burger. Maybe not their fast-food burger speciffically, but, still, ewww…

Maybe this has something to do with it: The (Republician-led) Supreme Court decided (under a new law they dubbed “Citizens United”) that people are now the same as corporations! Ain’t that something? It’s just like if Wal-Mart and I are siblings! Right down to how disgusted I would be with myself if I ever got drunk enough to come inside either one! Uncanny!

Oh, by the way, kudos for a brilliant job at naming “Citizens United”! Who could be against something that sounds that awesome? Seriously. What a positive name for such a negative, devastating and anti-American idea! Maybe… Just maybe… these bad and destructive new policies and plans are named after what they WANT the people to THINK, and not what they’re actually about? Maybe they do this so they can attempt to hide the fact that their shit-ass policies actually do terrible things that no one of average income (or in their right mind) would ever fucking vote for without a coked-out Nugent’s shotgun aimed at a basket of kittens!

So, like a bad sitcom, they hide their true intentions behind some misleading bullshit jargon. Really, look at “No Child Left Behind” or “The Patriot Act”! If the Repubs could somehow benefit politically from calling cancer an “All-You-Can-Eat Blow-Job Pizza Party.” Romney would tattoo the phrase on his forehead.

Perhaps, Republicans should change the name of “The War On Women” to something a bit more optimistic and zippy! And make sure they’re written by a conservative man, or else Rush Limbaugh will say they were written by sluts and prostitutes (What a card! Ha ha! When will that liberal medal learn?!)I’m just spitballing here, but how about:
“Can’t You Dames Just Accept A Cease-Fire On The Glass Ceiling?”.
Or, how about:
“If You Want Us Broads To Have Equal Pay? Then you should have to splurt the babys, fellas!”
Wait, I’ve got it:
“The Vagina: A Great Place To Visit, But If You Tried To Live There, You’d Be Out Fucking HOOKERS!!! in no time! Romney 2012″

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Just recently, Repubs were complaining about the liberals starting a war on women. The so-called “liberal media” heard out their asinine argument and lent to their glossolalias a sort of tongue-in-cheek credence. Though anyone who’s been paying attention to public discourse recently would likely laugh at the absurdity of the argument brought forth, like when Obama’s birth certificate was all over the “liberal LAME-stream media.” Something which I’m sure could NEVER happen again, since, of course, the liberals run the media. Oh, and did I mention that the media-running liberals are also supposedly Jews, too? I guess maybe they are, because otherwise FOX News would probably be denying the Holocaust.

There’s this thing Bill O’riley claims to be against during his “No Spin Zone” segment, and it’s called “Spin”. This “spin” stuff is something that the Dubya administration perfected, thanks to this man:

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But ever since Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove retired to the fair and balanced, liberal lame-stream pastures of FOX news, the Repubs are flopping like drying fish. Obama is looking like he may be made of political Teflon for yet another election cycle. If that’s the case, the Repubs have a two-part back up plan. For all you armchair political pundits, here they are. See if can spot them:

•1) Barak Obama is black. Bash that however and whenever possible!

•2) The louder and more outraged the Repubs get about something they claim the Democrats are doing, the more likely it is that the GOP themselves are the ones actually doing what they’re bitching about. It’s like on the Maury Povich show. The loudest one is usually the cheater. Or, to quote a great American: “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” —Quote: Larry The Cable Guy

And the Repubs seem to be planning in bigger, more overreaching, and more ominous ways than even they would dare to accuse anyone else of (for now, anyway)! Why? For the same reason that Dems don’t call out the Repubs for doing the same shit. Again; Why?!

Who knows?! I think things are the way they are today is due to racism and sexism, pure and simple. When Jan Brewer stuck her finger in our president’s face, and then later said she did it out of fear for her life… That was racism. A fucking textbook example of racism. When congressional conservatives refused to hear a woman during the contraception debate, Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi had to make special arrangements to hear a woman named Sandra Fluke. Ms Fluke is no politician, but that didn’t stop pill-headed fat-fuck Lush Rimjob…excuse me… Rush Limbaugh from acting a motherfuckin’ fool! He called Ms. fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute” and then proceeded to demonstrate such a hilarious misunderstanding of the way female contraceptives work, that you could almost feel sorry. Almost, but no. Rush was so bad, he came across even more incoherent, irresponsible, and misinformed than his contemporaries, and that is quite an accomplishment! Bravo, you grotesque pig-man! Now crawl back into the hole that spawned you, asshole!

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Oh, yeah. I got sidetracked and forgot to answer the question I asked a few paragraphs back: Why?

Hmmm… Let me put it this way: you would have to be earning (currently or at least next in line to inherit) a high enough yearly salary (were talking millions +) to directly benefit from the typical Republican tax cut. Trickle-down economics need to work so well for your income bracket, that it makes sound financial sense for you to vote with your checkbook, and throw your idealistic principals right out the window! Guys do it all the time, sometimes just for girls (whenever a guy lies for sex, he’s doing basically the same thing. However, lying for money is BETTER than sex, because…well, you can always just buy sex!). And women probably would do it if they were truly allowed to play at the same table.

Which is why there is such as a Democrat’s War On Women. That’s the Repub’s game. Ladies, were on your side. I’m not a big fan of abortion. I fully understand that an abortion is a difficult decision that is not arrived at as easily as the opponent’s would like people to believe. But life and death are not as easy to understand as black and white. Besides, ultimately, it’s the woman’s call. It’s her body, she gets to decide who stays and who goes. End of fucking. End of story. End of fucking story!

I’ll have more BS about the so-called “War Against Women” in the next few days. In the meantime, if you agree, disagree, or you just think I’m a stupid dumb dummy that needs to be told how the world really works, please discuss below. I promise to accept any and all comments that have anything at all to do with what I’m saying, no matter how much you may agree or disagree.